Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
