A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
