Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
