hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
