I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
