Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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