i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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