I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
