do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
