I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
