She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
