We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
