i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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