I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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