I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize