Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
how drunk are you?
Several
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
