Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
