With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
