dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
