we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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