you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize