TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
