I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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