ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In other news, I just burned my penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
