i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
