I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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