I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
