can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize