That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
