she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
