I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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