Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
