I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
