I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
