the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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