you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize