Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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