dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
