Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
