Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
