I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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