Tell her she can't have a vagina
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
