If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
