I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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