I just made out with a guy for $7.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
