if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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