My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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