Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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