Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
