Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
