I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
