I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
