That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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