dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
