he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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