she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
