It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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