I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
