We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
