just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
