My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is Oprah even human
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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