so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
