I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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