Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
