I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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