she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
