Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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