Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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