My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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