He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I faked an abortion last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
