And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
