she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize