The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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