and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
