i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
