strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
