So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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