Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
